Depression is prevalent and comes in a range of symptoms and severity.
For some it is the persistence of Dysthymia. Constant low level feelings of depression often with a slow and vague onset of symptoms, a pervasive emotional anemia.
Many reach a Moderate level of depression, which doesn’t feel moderate but effects overall functioning in a moderate way, you may have all the symptoms of major depression but still be able to function to some degree. You may think you are not functioning at all but that is not at all true.
When you are in Severe deep depression, you may stay in the same clothes for days and stop eating or only eat food that is really bad for your health. You may really want to die. You may sleep most of the day and night.
You will isolate yourself and want the world to go away. You will not have the energy or focus to give to beloved partners and children and pets or your work; if you are lucky enough to have any of these. Jobs and relationships and time may become lost to you.
You may only occupy one untidy room of your home even if your house has many flights of stories. That area might be your bedroom or maybe you sleep every night on your sofa.
Your mind may be occupied with one thing, one story in a lifetime of other stories and stories still unfolded.
You will have overwhelming feelings of guilt.
When you are extremely depressed you have the same necessities as when you have a stomach bug; a place to lie, a toilet and a water source. You may see stains on your clothes or the bed but you do not care. When you cannot feel hope It no longer matters if everything is clean or smells fresh.
You may have a beautiful garden to sit in but you want the doors and the curtains closed to it.
Dishes may pile up of just cups or perhaps the evidence of food. Flies may congregate. You do not care.
Your skin may be dry, your teeth yellowed or sore from too little care.
Your bills may lie in pc’s or on floors unopened.
Your joints may be painful because they need to be used and you feel weak and do not care.
Your phone will cause you severe anxiety.
You may spend hours and days on the floor of a bathroom because it feels like the safest place to be.
You may try to die and you may succeed.
You want to be alone; you need the opposite.
You need someone to help lift you out of this disorder, someone to encourage you to climb the stairs, to wash and change, to make the bed, to open the curtains. Someone to make you cups of tea and ask you to eat and care if you eat or not.
If you have someone in your life dedicated to caring for you when you really need it then you are truly blessed; let them care for you and let them call for help.
It would be lovely if depression had an arch enemy or if everyone had someone to love them and help them and make things happen to heal them; but if you are sick and alone then you have to be the one to call for help.
So call your Doctor let them guide you to help.
If you feel truly afraid to go out then ask for a home visit, tell them the truth and ask for help.
When we are emotionally well we wouldn’t let a wound become so infected that it becomes the thing that kills us. We would call for help; we would see a doctor; we would take the necessary care.
So if you can change your clothes do that, even if you don’t feel up to washing, that’s okay just change your clothes.
Brush your hair and brush your teeth.
Clean the space around you. It doesn’t have to be everything just the space you need.
If you cannot do these things; that's okay, why would you care when you feel so terribly ill? Severe depression is a survivable wound that needs urgent treatment.
Ask someone for help.
This Blog is dedicated to my beautiful brother Conor; who did not survive his depression